day 38

Rinkoffs is a bakery I discovered completely by accident. Waiting for my sheets to be finished at the launderette, wandering aimlessly around Whitechapel in the sunshine, I followed my nose down an alleyway, through a tunnel under a block of random flats and to a legendary bakery I’d never even heard of. Supposedly frequented by the Kray twins, apparently, they were such die hards, one of their crew would collect an order of 6 smoked salmon bagels to take to their cells every Friday night before they died.  I love the idea that these hardened criminals were waiting for their hit of baker bagel-y goodness come Friday night. It seems so childish, comforting and completely at odds with who they were. 

It got me thinking about what my special prison request would be. Would it be chocolate? Coffee? A vibrator? Would it be the things I’ve given up over this 40 day period or something else? In my head, all those things would be relatively easy to procure on the black market in prison... this is exclusively based off of TV based prison dramas…. but are they the things I would miss the most? 



Food is like this weird chain connected to emotion and memory. I’m sure the Kray twins didn’t get smoked salmon, cream cheese bagels because they loved the taste of cured fish… it was probably a bakery they went to all the time as kids


Food is like this weird chain connected to emotion and memory. I’m sure the Kray twins didn’t get smoked salmon, cream cheese bagels because they loved the taste of cured fish… although, what a combo! It was probably a bakery they went to all the time as kids, their mother would take her “lovely boys”, as she called them, as a Friday night treat or something. This could be wishful thinking, romanticising this narrative. Maybe encased in those sarnies were secret codes about deals, or drugs…. but I think if it actually came down to it, of all the foods I’m supposedly addicted to and have given up recently… they wouldn’t be my prison time request. And make no mistake, I am absolutely a chocolate addict. I “use” when I’m feeling bad about myself, the logical part of my brain disconnects and I’m totally incapable of eating a “normal” i.e. healthy amount of it. My special requests would be connected to the people who cook them.

For my mum: I’d ask for her roast potatoes – she always manages to nail that golden brown, heavenly crunch with the fluffy centre and those little potato golden nuggets, that have stuck to the oven dish, the pan grit that you sneakily scrape off the bottom while everyone else has already joined the table…. EURGH, heaven. 

My dad: Afghan noodles – this is almost definitely not the real name for it, it’s something he probably half made up and cooks in this special way, the lamb mince is quite dry, goes completely caramelised (almost burnt) and served with piles and piles of fresh pasta, with yoghurt and roughly chopped mint. 

And make no mistake, I am absolutely a chocolate addict. I “use” when I’m feeling bad about myself, the logical part of my brain disconnects and I’m totally incapable of eating a “normal” i.e. healthy amount of it.

My brother: Weirdly, he’s taken on being roast potato king in my mother’s absence…. with the ole pandemic I haven’t seen my parents in over a year, isn’t that crazy? I think we both missed the potatoes so much, one of us had to do it... 

Weirdly, before I started all of this, I thought coffee would be the hardest thing to give up. It’s naturally the most addictive, I’m a daily coffee drinker usually And considering drinking coffee is probably the most adult thing about me, how would I gain my legitimate adult points now? But, for sure giving up self pleasure, was the toughest at the start but now I’ve entered this weird zen like state. Where I don’t feel sexual or sexually frustrated at all. Now, I’m finishing this missing my classic the most, chocolate. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love chocolate, so maybe that would be another prison request, chocolate, to bring me back to myself, even if I was a hardened criminal.

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day 37