I broke the speculum. With my actual vagina. Isn’t that kind of impressive? The deadening crack was mildly terrifying. For a split second I wasn’t sure if it was me or the speculum that broke. Her assistant simply said “strong muscles!!” which I guess is quite a cool compliment? Should I add it to my Bumble bio – strong cervix. Big heart, cold hands. I apologised for my misbehaving vagina, said I would have a word. 

Rinkoffs is a bakery I discovered completely by accident. Supposedly frequented by the Kray twins, apparently, they were such die hards, one of their crew would collect an order of 6 smoked salmon bagels to take to their cells every Friday night before they died. I love the idea that these hardened criminals were waiting for their hit of baker bagel-y goodness come Friday night. It seems so childish, comforting and completely at odds with who they were. 

It got me thinking about what my special prison request would be. Would it be chocolate? Coffee? A vibrator? Would it be the things I’ve given up over this 40 day period or something else? In my head, all those things would be relatively easy to procure on the black market in prison... this is exclusively based off of TV based prison dramas…. but are they the things I would miss the most?