day 37
Playing it cool is thoroughly overrated. I’m just going to come out here and say it. And also in a pandemic world, why bother? The classics are: leave it a day to text back. Don’t initiate contact or the first date. Ignore them at the party. Flirt with their friends. Don’t watch their instagram story. But when dating is mostly virtual at the moment, how do these rules translate? No one notices if you take a while to text someone back on a dating app. Most people run through phases, a high octane swipe session, ignoring or deleting the app for a week, and then like a cheap drug, coming back to it.
At the start of a relationship, it feels like there are all of these hurdles that you have to jump over in order to virtually make someone believe that you’re not interested, but in a way that sparks their interest. It’s all very counterintuitive and confusing. And as someone who tends to be about as subtle as a sledgehammer, I don’t really understand what’s so bad about being, well, excited? We all live in fear of the word keen. KEEN. It’s a word that haunts the overexcited person. I get excited about breakfast, about a favourite song coming on the radio, it being a nice day. So, what do you think the likelihood is that I’m going to be able to be chill about meeting a nice sexy fun human being I’d like to kiss faces with? Not very high.
I wonder whether in the post pandemic summer of love we’re about to experience, games will be left out of it. Life feels too precious, too important to play it cool all the time.
Having said that, we’ve all been at the receiving end of a person who is far too into it, they text too often, about absolutely nothing or constantly ask what you’re up to??? What did you just eat?? Just went to the gym lol. Omg double texting haha. Why am I like this…. And other such banal platitudes you want to eat your phone and never look them in the face again. Even their name showing up on your phone makes you groan internally. But that’s in a scenario where the power dynamic is unequal, and let’s be honest, you don’t actually like them very much.... The dreaded ICK as it’s been dubbed. It’s different if there’s mutual interest and potential. At least it should be.
A friend of mine recently got into a relationship, and it’s the first time she’s ever been treated really well. No games. No confusion. No constant over analysing of what you‘ve done wrong. Or if adding an x at the end of the message makes it too intense. And it’s such a relief. The first boy to treat me well was Scott from Scotland (shout out to Scott with the strong eyebrows). That is his actual real life name…. He took me to Dundee to buy a suitcase and carried around this enormous thing all day as he showed me where he’d grown up. He even brought his mum to an a cappella concert I was singing at and told me he liked how easily I blushed, whilst holding my hand on the bus. It was disconcerting. I was so used to boys who made me question myself, undermine my self esteem that this whole “being treated well” thing seemed almost suspicious. Was this a game too? Be mean keep em keen. Be nice, then put them on ice?
The pandemic has made all of us needy for human contact. Even with friends, I hug them a little tighter than before. I wonder whether in the post pandemic summer of love we’re about to experience, games will be left out of it. Life feels too precious, too important to play it cool all the time. This summer I plan on playing it hot, asking out all the people, literally snogging everyone (it will become my customary greeting once we’re all vaccinated, just pre-warning you) and being totally unafraid to become a do-er. I want. I ran. I kiss. I will. A do-er rather than a game player, and to get the f••• off your phone and ask someone out in a coffee shop, like in the olden days.